I came to Taiwan in the mid-1980s to study Chinese folk religion. I still have a fascination with the topic, and recently saw something, in the folk culture vein, I never thought I’d see—someone seeking a husband for their deceased daughter.

Ghost marriages, or spirit marriages, used to be fairly common in northern Taiwan. When I came here for school I was cautioned against picking up any red envelopes that I might see laying around, as this is the mechanism used to find a spouse for the dead. The ghost will cause their choice to pick up the red envelope, and then the family of the deceased—hiding nearby—leaps out to announce the pending betrothal to the surprised passerby. Refusal to wed would result in the man being haunted by the woman’s crying spectre until he agrees to the marriage.

Here in Taiwan, ghost marriages are almost always between a living man and a deceased woman. The marriage is normally contracted by the parents of the departed. The purposes of a ghost marriage are variable. Historically it allowed the woman’s family to increase their guanxi by establishing a quasi-familial link with another family, increasing their kinship/patronage ties, much as a temporal marriage might have. There were, and continue to be, more ephemeral reasons for ghost marriages. Traditionally, so strong was the social imperative to find a good matrimonial match for your daughters, that the social necessity to marry continued even into the grave. Families, even now, may find closure knowing the soul of their beloved has found peace by crossing this important milestone. I have a friend whose family lost a young child, decades later the father began to be visited in his dreams by his dead daughter asking to be wed. The father found the experience upsetting and wanted to seek a ghost marriage, but they were living in Canada, so that wasn’t realistic. It is an example of why a family might seek closure through a ghost marriage even in the modern era.

There is also a religious element to ghost marriages, many Taiwanese homes have an altar housing their family’s ancestral spirit tablets. Offerings and prayers to the ancestors are made before the altar. Traditionally the daughter’s spirit tablet does not stay with her birth family, but instead is transferred to her husband’s family, where she receives prayers and offerings as part of the patrilineage. If she dies unwed, her tablet remains with her natal family, but then there are no heirs to properly worship her tablet. So a ghost marriage can provide the woman’s tablet with a home where it will receive its due veneration. In present day Taiwan, I believe families might be more flexible about how they honor a deceased unmarried woman, but undoubtedly this varies a lot by family

As a cultural voyeur I love seeing funky weird cultural things, but despite having lived here for decades, and having studied folk religion,  I’ve never seen anything related to a ghost marriage. That’s logical. The marriage ceremony itself is solemn, kind of a mix of a wedding and a funeral, with only close family involved. It’s not like friends and extended family would be invited to join in the joyous event. Most Taiwanese would shy away from attending such a spirit marriage. (You don’t wanna fart around with phantoms & spooks). Also ghost marriages have become quite uncommon, thus there’s not many opportunities to witness anything related to this practiced. So, imagine my surprise when I walked up on this….

Well, tickle me pink. I couldn’t believe it. Husband bait. Right there in front of me. No, I don’t think that someone just accidentally dropped two red envelopes so neatly on the street. Pretty sure someone was looking for a marriage partner for their deceased daughter.

I stopped to take pictures of the envelopes and as a joke texted the pictures to a Taiwanese friend, asking if I should pick them up. She went apeshit. No, no, no,…STOP,…don’t do it,…you’ll be forced into a ghost marriage. She was very worried for me. Taiwanese believe the spirit might sometimes be malignant and cause problems for its spouse, possibly even their death. [You know what it’s like to fight with your wife—now imagine your wife is a malevolent supernatural wraith]. It’s not something to be fucked around with. I have some western friends who think a ghost marriage might be fun, maybe get a dowry, have a story to tell,…. They’re not superstitious and are unconcerned by the impact of a ghost on their lives. [FAFO]. My motto is: when living in Taiwan, if in doubt, do as the Taiwanese do—and they do not willingly marry a ghost. Even if you’re not superstitious, it’s a real pain in the ass to have a ghost marriage. There are a lot of the same traditions and requirements as for a real-life marriage. Just on a logistical level alone you don’t want to deal with it.

After examining the red envelopes, I photographed them while very carefully avoiding touching them. I was intrigued, and looked for family hiding nearby, but I didn’t want to linger too long, for fear of looking too interested and marriable. I don’t want to marry no ghost. That’d give me all the responsibilities of two wives with none of the sex. Mama didn’t raise no fools.