Monthly Archives: September 2019

Family Life

Silly Little Couple’s Fights

Each culture seems to have its own archetypal couple’s argument. They are the stereotypes convenient for jokes, TV shows, and other pop culture references, whether true or not.

In Canada, and many other Western countries, the prototypical argument is about leaving the toilet seat up and the female taking an unanticipated midnight bidet ride. Relationship hijinks ensue, and jokes abound about this situation, sitcoms and movies are replete with references. Do couples really spend much time quarreling over the nocturnal urinary patterns of the human male? I don’t know. They shouldn’t, a sitz bath is good for female perineum health. (You’re welcome). But still, it is the prototypical couple’s fight in the West.

Taiwan has its own clichéd couple’s fight; the question of who will take out the trash. For the majority of Taiwanese there is no curbside pickup or option to throw the trash in a back alley for later removal. Instead trash and recycling trucks meander through each neighborhood twice daily. The trash truck blares Beethoven—who must be rolling in his grave—to call people to bring out their trash, forcing them to drop whatever they’re doing, grab the trash, hustle down however many flights of stairs and try to meet the trucks [Video]. It’s annoying to put it mildly. The issue isn’t pure laziness, nor that the task is too onerous. In fact taking out the trash is a communal event, where you get a chance to pass the time of day with neighbors. It’s kind of pleasant. However, it is difficult to be there when the truck is scheduled. Most people work long hours and then may have evening plans that preclude them making it to the truck. I remember once being unable to get to the trash truck for three weeks. My fridge and freezer were stuffed with so many full trash bags that I couldn’t store food. I suppose the system worked okay when every house had a stay-at-home housewife. Not true now. Taking out the trash is, supposedly, the source of much bickering among Taiwanese couples.

Mixed-couples in Taiwan have their own typecast source of friction—control of the air conditioner. If the Taiwanese partner exerts dominance, the air conditioner may not get turned on until the foreign partner nears death, and even then only for a short time, leaving the foreigner to spritz all over the furniture. When sanity prevails, and the foreigner controls the air conditioner, the Taiwanese person is left shivering and shaking, attributing every sniff, cough, and sneeze to the [comfortable] temperature. I have one Taiwanese friend who claims she divorced her foreign husband because of air conditioning. It sounds apocryphal to me, but she swears it’s true.

I can’t speak to the truth of any of these stereotypes. However, these are the conventionalized couple’s arguments in Taiwan. They feature in conversation and jokes, just like the toilet seat up or down in the West.

Culture Shock, Society & Culture

Humor’s Intercultural Perils: Why’s Everyone Pissed Off?

Do Chinese speakers have a sense of humor? On its face it seems a ridiculous question. However, many Westerners living in Taiwan have reached the conclusion that humor and Chinese culture are antithetical. As crazy as it sounds, it has a logic.

I once was one of those foreigners—I’ve since reformed. I would tell people that if you were being politically correct you’d say that humor is culturally defined and each culture has its own distinct sense of whimsy. However, if you were being truthful, you’d admit Chinese speakers have no sense of humor. I’d further explain most Chinese speakers, upon hearing a comedic aside, analyze it from every angle seeking a way to be offended. Further clarifying that a typical Chinese inner monologue after a joke might run: Have I been insulted; has my culture or race been slandered; and, how morally indignant am I, on a scale from outraged to apoplectic? If I wasn’t belittled, who was? Do I care? How much? If not directly about me, am I somehow peripherally being mocked? Let’s dig through five thousand years of human history trying to find some way to take umbrage. If not insulting, then is the joke somehow socially inappropriate?… After all this mental arithmetic, nothing is ever funny. That’s why sarcasm doesn’t exist in Chinese. That’s why Chinese speakers rely on the most unsophisticated types of humor; puns and puerile jokes, the domain of young children in the West.

I was wrong.

Well, sort of, like everything about culture, there are shades of grey. The mental gymnastics described above though overstated are kind of true. Thus, American humor can be very tough for Chinese listeners. A lot of American humor is outwardly directed, sometimes aggressive, and based on sarcasm and insult. Chinese speakers do better with American wit when that aggression is turned inwards to become self-deprecation. Then it’s clear to us Chinese speakers who is being insulted, and we’re okay with it.

Here’s where I was really wrong. Sarcasm exists in Chinese. It is very common for a group of friends engaged in badinage to be stunningly insulting and sarcastic, in a humorous way. The difference isn’t so much a matter of humor as variation between high-context and low-context communication styles (See: A Low-Context Dude and Unified Field Theory for background on the cultural linguistics). Americans are noted for their ability to move from strangers to ass-slapping and calling each other Butthead in the course of an evening. It’s friendly. It is also a very low-context cultural style. Other Western cultures, though perhaps more reserved, are also relatively low-context.

Chinese culture, and Asian cultures in general, tend to be more high-context. There is an emphasis on forming and deepening relationships within your group. As a consequence of this cultural style, humor is geared towards the in-group. If you’re not part of the group, you won’t understand the in-jokes, and likely will never hear them. Shared humor builds group cohesion and helps distinguish the in-group from outsiders. It’s coded messaging for the initiated. On the macro level, Taiwanese humor is a good example, much of it is based on the interplay of Chinese and Taiwanese, kind of creating puns across linguistic lines.  Only proficient Taiwanese speakers can really hope to understand, even in Taiwan that’s only a bit more than half the population. Non-Taiwanese have no hope.

Ultimately the tendency to confine joking to peers explains  why many foreigners living among Chinese speakers think they lack humor and don’t understand sarcasm. As outsiders, they are not invited to share in the jokes. Taiwanese people are capable of great sarcasm, and cut on their friends hard, but that’s just it, the humor is for close friends.

Humor and sarcasm coming from outside the in-group can seem aggressive to Chinese speakers. That is not how humor flows in Taiwan, rapier-like wit should only cut a group member—for social cohesion there’s an emphasis on maintaining surface calm among the wider society. For foreigners from a low-context culture, that doesn’t emphasize maintaining a respectful separation between social groups based on status and hierarchy, it is easy to inadvertently cause discomfiture with your banter. It is part of how we try to break down barriers and be more friendly and interesting. High-context cultures like their barriers just as they are—thank you very much.

The Basics, Vignette

Vignette #18: Surviving Taiwan’s Traffic

Surviving half a life spent on Taiwan’s roadways is no mean accomplishment. My second day in Taipei found me driving a borrowed scooter—barreling through Taipei—trying to keep up with a friend showing me Taipei. He’d been here a long time, knew what he was doing in Taipei traffic, and was going like a bat out of Hell. That was back before the MRT opened, so traffic was much more congested and unruly than its current stateliness. Of course, that was before helmet laws—so I wore nothing but a fearful grimace and blonde hair waving in the wind.

Before setting out, he gave me just one piece of advice: “In Taiwan, the vehicle in front has the right-of-way. If he cuts you off, brakes short, or squeezes you out of your lane it is your job—as the follower—to yield. He has done nothing wrong”. By following this simple rule, traffic moves efficiently, if annoyingly, through Taipei. If you haven’t experienced Taiwanese roadways you need to use your imagination to conceptualize what this rule does to traffic flow. [Incidentally, it also explains pedestrian behavior].

Back in the day, people were so unconcerned about what was happening behind them they used to remove their scooter’s rearview mirrors. They were scared of being disemboweled if thrown over the handlebars, and why care what’s going on behind you? Once in front all others must bow to your will.

Honestly, I’m not sure this is a literal Taiwanese road rule. On the written portion of my Taiwanese driver’s test, I did say the person in front has the right-of-way, but I could’ve got the answer wrong. It is very possible my friend was being hyperbolic. It doesn’t matter. It was the best survival advice I’ve ever received. If you keep this idea in mind while out in Taiwanese traffic you’ll live longer.